Im still here.... i promise.

So I just have to start off by saying that my mom is eating whoopie pies in front of me right now and its taking everything i have in me not to eat one. It really isnt cool of here to sit here and eat sweets in front of me. But shes not the one changing her eating habits, I am.

So, I know that I havent been on here in like....................forever and beyond. BUT. Im still working on weight loss and there are alot of things that have happend in the 3 weeks that ive been gone...........

1. I joined Weight Watchers with a good friend of mine, Tyna. She is someone that i have known since... forever, acctually, I dont remember a time where I DIDNT know her. haha Anyway, I love WW. I love everything about it. It is really easy for me to stick to, its just the tracking, writing, writing, tracking, and counting. And so far, my first week, i lost a pound. And i even cheated on friday night when i ate pizza and chicken wings. :)
2. I got a job! Not the job i mentioned in the previous post, but its still a good job. Its at a nursing home and its in the adult day care department. Im so excited and my orientation is on tuesday!


Ill write more later, right now I have to go. but just wanted to let you know im still alive :P

Sincerely,
Mandy

Let's back-track.

So, today is going to be a short update. I'm exhausted and because of that i cant write as much as i usually.

So, i figured out a vital piece of informationl. In order to get healthy, and loose weight, i need a job. Now, you might be wondering how this connects. Well, it has everything to do with it.
Job+money=gym membership, and groceries.
no job+ no money= no gym and no healthy groceries.
SEE MY LITTLE PTOBLEM?
I know that its not good to wait to start something but, i dont have a choice. I refuse to walk in 14 degree weather just to get in a little exercise. Besides i have asthma and the cold triggers it, no lie. So, without a job, im pretty much sunk. Because im at the mercy of my mothers cooking, and ive already explained the fault in that. Her nickname isnt "mrs. buttertin" for nothing, you know.
So, when i get a job, i will be starting. Until then, im preparing myself for battle, haha
Im gonna fall asleep, goodnight everyone.

Sincerely, Mandy

Ouch.

Today was rough.
I didn't get the job.
I spent 2 hours being screamed at by my mother.
My dog might be dying.
And i ate an entire bag of twizzlers.

I cant even .....im so....... i dont know.

:C

Amanda Enchanted

Woah.

Thats the only thing that can possibly sum up these last 2 days. So im gonna start with yesterday... So i woke up around 9am. I had 2 interview lined up :) One was at Fallon Health Clinic, and the other at Community Health Connections (CHC) at a local hospital. I went to the first one and it didnt go so well :( Buttttttt..... however, the interview with CHC went extremely well and I really think I have to job in the bag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This job is more amazing than I could have originally imagined. I think I will vomit if I dont get it. But the administrator gave me the job description, the benefits, and she disscussed the compensation and said it would go up because I have experience in the field, and i have the educational backround to acctually know what im talking about and what im doing. lol So keep your fingers crossed guys!!!! The benefits are amazing anddddddd I couldnt have created a more perfect job if I tried.

Yesterday, after the interview, I got home and started reading this book called "Fallen" by Lauren Kate. WEIRD. but soooo good. Its about a fallen angel. I dont know too much about it but it is so interesting and all my friends who have read it say its amazing. I went over my friend Katies house last night to watch a pirated copy of New Moon and 500 Days Of Summer and she said, in regards to this book, " I guess fallen angels are the new vampires..." As for myself, I will forever remain loyal to the vampires/werewolfs. Did I mention I was completley in love with Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn? Ive read them all twice, and after I read the new books i got for Christmas, i will be making the third round of reading them. I know some may say thats crazy, but they captivate me. They completely consume me and take me to a world i desperatly wish I could be a part of. But then again, the Harry Potter series did that to me too before the Twilight saga came out.. Did I mention I was a total NERD?

But if you have been reading then i think you probably came to that conclusion on your own. Now, because I mentioned this, i have to throw in a picture.... Im listening to "Meet me on the equinox" by death cab for cutie. Succcccccchhhh a good song. I blasted this in my car today when I went to pick up Chuck from school. Courtney, or Chuck, is what i call her, she is my best friend on this entire planet. She is acctually my cousin. We never used to like eachother when we were younger.... and i never really saw her except for christmas and things like that.. But then i moved closer to her and all of a sudden, BAM! Something hit us on the head and that was the beginning of one of the best parts of my life. Shes amazing in every single way. I love her and the bond we share is more like that of a sister.

This is "Chuck"..... Cute, aint she? lol If she knew I was putting a picture of her on here, she would probably start attacking me. Too bad she doesnt know about this little blog of mine!!! :P hahahahaha.

So your probably thinking "if this is a blog about her weight loss, then why is she filling it with a bunch of unimportant nonsense??" Well, weight loss is a huge part of your life. And to fully understand my troubles with weight loss, your gonna have to know some of my life and what contributes to those difficulties. Besides, as much as its a blog about weight loss, its equally about the life of amanda kimberly ocoin. I need something productive to do with all my creative intake and blogging is so much fun and its something that i really enjoy. I love most areas of my life, and i believe that to fully understand a person, you need to take a walk in thier shoes for a day. And since you cant do that, im filling you in on some things that go on that make me smile :)

So i probably should have introduced this blog as " amandas journey to weight loss AND about her crazy chaotic life and the many random thoughts and ideas that pop into her head" ......There, that sounds so much better I think :)

So, getting to the weight loss part of it, lol Ive been making smart(er) choices and im still in a trial-and-error stage. So, im working out all the kinks so that when it comes time to go, i can set off like a rickety rocket :P Now that i have a job, i plan to return to Global Fitness (i reccomend it to anyone) because i love love loved it there! They have AWESOME classes like kickboxing and "Group Groove" which is a dance/exercise class that doesnt feel like a workout, because its so much fun!!! So once i get a paycheck established, then i will charge into that like a bull looking at a red flag. Other than that i have been experimenting with new and different foods and i have a meeting with my pastors wife because we are starting the weight watchers plan together. Anyone ever been on it? Does it work? Ive heard so many things about it and im exstatic to be -finally - joining :) This "loosing weight" buisness will solve so many of my problems.. physically and emotionally... and thats exactly why im doing it.

When i think of that number, I get completely disgusted with myself. But when I look into the mirror, i dont see "severly obese disgusting fat girl" , all i see is Amanda. Also known as Mander, Mandy, Manda, slutfacedhoebag, lol only the cool people get to call me that, though. I think that might contribute to my problems, the fact that i dont think im a disgusting person. Yes, i hate the weight, the fat, the lack of confidence, but i love who i am as a person. Sometimes i feel like ( and i know this is ridiculous) that if i loose the weight, i will loose myself as well, my personality i mean. I should have faith that if i loose the weight it could only benefit me. I dont know... sometimes im so complicated even i cant figure it out....

Well, Im off to bed. Orientation is tomorrow!!!! Wish me luck!!!

Sincerely, Mandy

xoxoxo

Horrible First Day :(

So today was supposed to be my official "first day", and I pretty much bombed it....

It started good, I got up at 9:30, got some coffee (something that i refuse to give up on ANY diet),ate some rice chex cereal, talked to my mother for a bit and out I went in search for a job. Well, the job hunting didnt go so well and neither did my eating. Sometimes Im not even aware im making bad choices, because the thought "oh by eating this you may be slowly killing yourself you fat piece of crap" doesnt even cross my mind... why? Well, if you figure that one out, please let me know. Anyway, It was around 1pm and i started to get hungry... so without even thinking about it, I pulled into McDonalds drive-through and ordered myself a #10 (10 piece nugget, fries and a large soft drink). And as im finishing every last bit of the nuggets, i realize that oh my god, this is the exact example of what I SHOULDN'T be doing!!! The part that hurts the most that when I pulled into the mickey d's parking lot, "dont do this" never even entered my brain. This just goes to show you how difficult this really is, for me anyway.... Most people think that all you have to do is stop eating..... I wish it was as simple as that. After realizing this and feeling absolutely disgusting about myself the search continued for a job.... lets just say that I am still not employed. However, I do have an interview at a local hospital for a desk job tomorrow, so wish me luck! :) I really want this, it has amazing benefits and its exactly the job I wanted. But enough about my job issues.... back to whats important... So after my ever-failing attempt to be employed, i returned home to none other than my mothers home made dinners. What was on tonight's menu? Corn chowder, roast beef and garlic bread. FABULOUS.

My mom has always been the "thats whats for dinner, if you dont like it, dont eat" kinda mom. She has good intentions, really she does. Her reason is because if we all made separate meals we would end up wasting food, and there are starving children in Africa who would kill for the food we'd be throwing away blah, blah, blah... So most of the time I end up just eating the meal, healthy or not. And tonight, I ate it. All of it. Then, I went over my friend Courtneys house for coffee, and ended up eating this chocolate pudding/strawberry yogurt creation she made.

Way to go, Amanda.

Can someone tie a muzzle to my mouth? Im kidding.........sorta. I need some ideas on how to exercise when i dont have a gym membership (yet). Walking? I would but its so cold and slushy, and ew. I dont have any exercise dvds. Well, I do have a Denise Austin videotape. How are some online workouts? Got any good ones? Let me know... Maybe I might have to suck it up and walk in the slushy cold weather until i get a job and can afford a gym membership. And if thats what it takes, then I am totally prepared to do that. Any healthy tips? Any really good recipes? I love getting feedback....! :) Im just gonna take baby steps. After all, I am completley changing my world here.

Well, although today wasnt as great as a first day as Id hoped, im still not giving up. Tomorrow is another day, and Im gonna work harder.. I suppose i should get to bed now... lol

" Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity......."

EXCITED.

Happy New Year everybody!
So, I guess I should start out by introducing myself. My name is Amanda. Im 18 years old and I live a -relativley- simple lifestyle. I am the oldest in my family. My mother and father are still alive and my brother is 9 years old. I have a good relationship with all of them and I enjoy spending time with them. Im on here because I am obese. I have tried almost everything else to try and loose weight so I figured why not give blogging a try? Ive always loved writing, and at one point, I thought it was what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. (Warning, i tend to write sparatically, and get off-the-subject ;P) So, like I was saying, im fat. I come from a overweight family. Ive always been this way. I was always the chubby girl in school where people would make fun of. I have a very optimistic personality so it never really botherd me. Some days i was more sensetive to it than others... All throughout middle/highschool i was very overweight. I had lots of friends and had a blast in highschool, but there were the occasional comments made and laughs, and embarrasment when it was time for gym.... But like i said, nothing that was too bad where i didnt just brush it off.
My family is Italian. Need I say more? Our main focus is on food. Whenever we get together, there is always a wide variety of food involved. My mother is one of the best cooks around, and what she does for fun? BAKE. So, not only am i constantly surrounded by her baked goods she makes every week, my family spends alot of time together, and lets just face it: its all about the food. We have friday night campfires, we have scary movie saturdays, we have poker nights, we have coffee nights, and we have nights where we just go over for dinner. ALL INVOLVING SOMETHING WITH FOOD. This is what I grew up around, it was my lifestyle. And i dont know how to change it, when its constanly in my face. Thats like waving a bag of crack in an addicts face : not cool, man.

So how do you change a lifestyle you've known your entire life???? Im hoping that from this blog and from the support of people like you, I can take steps to becoming healthier and living my life to its fullest. We only have one body, one life, and one chance. So im going to make this work, no matter how hard it may be, no matter what i have to do, and no matter what challenges i face. My family supports me in doing this, but they said to not expect them to change thier lifestyles, because their perfectly happy with it. But, in being constantly surrounded by the problem, its going to take alot of willpower, something i seem to be lacking these days... But, who knows, i may find some mid-way...

I plan on eating healthier, exercising at least once a day, and finding ways to live a happy lifestyle. How am i going to do this? By exploring myself and the realm of blogging and taking one day at a time, I want to do this the right way, no more of the "diets", the "fasting" or the countless other things i have tried. I was the "ill start on monday" girl. and then once monday morning came around, I begin a battle with the coco puffs, and they always seem to win.

Yes, i tend to blog at the weirdest times....

Im not an emotional eater, i dont have an eating disorder, plain and simple? I love food, and i eat too much of it.

I have to learn portion control, and things like that to be able to maintain balance, right?

Right. I dont really have a plan. Im just kind of, oh how does the saying go? "winging-it".
So, feel free to give me : tips, ideas, questions, comments, whateverrrrrrrrr. but please, be respectful, as much as i dont care what people think about me, i do.

P.S. - as much as this is a challenge for me, I am so excited that ive finally found the courage, determination and strength to do this... LETS GO 2010!

This is the year of change.
This is the year of strength.
This is my year.

more Pictures are coming soon!!!!!




[ June 4th, 2009- my graduation. 276 pounds ]


xoxoxo

*MANDER