Horrible First Day :(

So today was supposed to be my official "first day", and I pretty much bombed it....

It started good, I got up at 9:30, got some coffee (something that i refuse to give up on ANY diet),ate some rice chex cereal, talked to my mother for a bit and out I went in search for a job. Well, the job hunting didnt go so well and neither did my eating. Sometimes Im not even aware im making bad choices, because the thought "oh by eating this you may be slowly killing yourself you fat piece of crap" doesnt even cross my mind... why? Well, if you figure that one out, please let me know. Anyway, It was around 1pm and i started to get hungry... so without even thinking about it, I pulled into McDonalds drive-through and ordered myself a #10 (10 piece nugget, fries and a large soft drink). And as im finishing every last bit of the nuggets, i realize that oh my god, this is the exact example of what I SHOULDN'T be doing!!! The part that hurts the most that when I pulled into the mickey d's parking lot, "dont do this" never even entered my brain. This just goes to show you how difficult this really is, for me anyway.... Most people think that all you have to do is stop eating..... I wish it was as simple as that. After realizing this and feeling absolutely disgusting about myself the search continued for a job.... lets just say that I am still not employed. However, I do have an interview at a local hospital for a desk job tomorrow, so wish me luck! :) I really want this, it has amazing benefits and its exactly the job I wanted. But enough about my job issues.... back to whats important... So after my ever-failing attempt to be employed, i returned home to none other than my mothers home made dinners. What was on tonight's menu? Corn chowder, roast beef and garlic bread. FABULOUS.

My mom has always been the "thats whats for dinner, if you dont like it, dont eat" kinda mom. She has good intentions, really she does. Her reason is because if we all made separate meals we would end up wasting food, and there are starving children in Africa who would kill for the food we'd be throwing away blah, blah, blah... So most of the time I end up just eating the meal, healthy or not. And tonight, I ate it. All of it. Then, I went over my friend Courtneys house for coffee, and ended up eating this chocolate pudding/strawberry yogurt creation she made.

Way to go, Amanda.

Can someone tie a muzzle to my mouth? Im kidding.........sorta. I need some ideas on how to exercise when i dont have a gym membership (yet). Walking? I would but its so cold and slushy, and ew. I dont have any exercise dvds. Well, I do have a Denise Austin videotape. How are some online workouts? Got any good ones? Let me know... Maybe I might have to suck it up and walk in the slushy cold weather until i get a job and can afford a gym membership. And if thats what it takes, then I am totally prepared to do that. Any healthy tips? Any really good recipes? I love getting feedback....! :) Im just gonna take baby steps. After all, I am completley changing my world here.

Well, although today wasnt as great as a first day as Id hoped, im still not giving up. Tomorrow is another day, and Im gonna work harder.. I suppose i should get to bed now... lol

" Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity......."